This past weekend guests were in town and not wanting to dissapoint expectations of "Keeping Austin Weird" it was necessary to find something beyond bars to entertain us on a Saturday evening. It was decided we would check out the TX Lonestar Rollergirls for the championship game between the Hellcats and the Cherry Bombs at the Austin Convention Center. If you have never seen a roller derby or the Drew Barrymore movie, Whip It (inspired by the TX Lonestar Rollergirls), then you probably have no idea what to expect from such an event. The TX Lonestar Rollergirls are a unique breed of sexy, self assured, athletic, and fierce women that take their job as part entertainer part athlete seriously. I say part entertainer because there is more than just speed and toughness on skates that these women require to make the TX roller derby a truly one-of-a-kind experience.
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| Hellcats |
In simple terms the roller derby is played on a banked track with five members of two teams attempting to have one skater (aka the "jammer") from each team pass members of the other team as many times as they can until the lead jammer calls it off. With eight minute quarters one would expect the game to go quickly, however this is where the entertainment portion of the evening comes to play. To begin with, the women are scantily clad in "uniforms" that display the uniqueness of their personality and plenty of their skin. I can only assume it is required of all roller girls to wear some form of ripped fishnets, short skirts (or apparently just underwear is suitable), and decorative items to accentuate their distinctive names. Of the names my favorites include: Honey Homicide, Miso Vicious, Pain N. Simple, and Kat Von Speed. I am not exactly sure but I think it might be like stripper names, but for the roller derby.
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| Cherry Bombs |
Competitive instincts and and assertive personalties result in hard earned penalties. Although all the teams practice together and they are all presumably friends off the rink, on the rink the 'bows are thrown and attitudes raised. Minor penalties such as trips are retributed by the spin of a wheel that delegates creative challenges like pillow fights, tug-of-war, and my personal favorite... the dance-off. Major penalties include unsportsladylike conduct or unnecessary roughness which send the offender to the penalty box (after the fight runs its course). We literally saw one woman stand behind another woman and smack her to the floor in one fell swoop. This gave new meaning to the term "bitch slap". I imagine these women watching WWE while they get their tattoos touched up. To help guide spectators, the entire event is emceed with hilarious commentary by several individuals who must have just missed the tryouts for last comic standing. Finally, placing the Austin stamp of approval on this event live music and alcohol are inevitably present.
It is apparent that everyone involved is incredibly passionate about the sport and the entire roller derby community. The league is skater owned and operated and has been attributed to the resurgence of roller derby around the country. I wouldn't hold your breath for me to be cutting up my fishnets and pulling out my underwear to get beat up by a bunch of women on a roller rink anytime soon. Let's be honest, I can't even roller skate! I'll leave the tearing up of the rink and clothes to the professionals and take you out with me to watch next season.
Saturday Evenings January-August - various locations - Tickets $10-$15.
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